Tuesday, July 11, 2006


Brad invited me to KGs July 4th party like a penile embelism, foam foam, spew spew, feel good then pass out and get sunburned in by the fact that I can't hold my liquor and the sun does not set until the next day in summer.

Oh yeah, free alcohol, catered, and all of the Playboy mansion rejects (who are still pretty hot) hanging around at a rich guy's house.

Brad exaggerates like a monkey that just learned English trying to convince you that he also learned french. You don't know who KG is, that's not important, I don't want to be sued for anything I write here. You don't know who Brad is unless you're one of about three hundred plastic assholes he hangs with, but no last names here, so I should be pretty safe.

Actually, Brad is a monkey, why he doesn't have back fur, I am lost for words. He has a killer smile and can bench at least two hundred pounds so I don't mess with him or his influence too much.

"he likes you, you're that guy he wishes he was", I'm hearing honesty in Brad's voice, the kind of honesty that your stomach makes when you've mixed too much Coors with Vodka and the lasagne chaser just doesn't fit quite right.

There might be truth to the matter, I mean, I'm wondering if a guy with eight figures in the bank buys one too many sports cars does that make him in a midlife crisis or does that make him just in midlife? Fact is, I do get the impression that KG likes me, it's that pat on the back for something I didn't really have the right to take credit for.

Now that I've lost you, I'll admit that I did infact go to the party, and a lot of us did stand around drinking and pretending we're all best friends. It was a blast for all concerned with one screwup, KG and Caitlin are close in a way that I know without KG Caitlin would be back in Cedar Rapids doing dinner theater and serving fries at Dennys, or married to some douchebag property developer high on Rogaine and Viagra.

Today I'm pissed for some reason. You see Caitlin was at KG's party and we kind of dumped each other in fashion of a completed Mexican standoff where we both fired at the same time. This is my "lunch" break and I'm just not in character enough to tell you well how it all went down, how used I feel, how evil she is but oh shit, just sexy she can be when she gets her hair wet.

Sorry about the picture, I found the most unflattering one I could from Brad's computer and made sure her face wasn't visible. Her face, oh, yeah, gorgeous.



Blogger Memoirs of a Sheila said...

Nice look, in that eighties, ant body kind of way. I prefer Michelle.

8:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

penile embolism?? ok, so I'm on vacation, but I just HAD to prance out of my self-imposed isolation and comment on that phrase.. so descriptive. love it.


4:03 PM  

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