Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Camera phone


I'm an unethical cad.

Sometimes I think it would be better if I was someone else, with other goals, other drives, other sensory requirements. Lying is part of my core but I am told it is not part of every man.

You see, there comes a time in my every day when I look at myself and feel I am decidedly lacking in something. Some call it self loathing and it hurts like the sins of our fathers all congealed into my generation.

When I get like this I look into myself and see the growing fire of dissatisfaction coming from my soul and it's licking each level inside me working it's way up. Fire hurts, my emptiness hurts, and I am desperate for salvation.

You would like to see the contents of my camera phone as incriminating evidence. As you start to see exactly how disgusting I am, my internal damage control mechanism would kick in and we'd find some macho common ground. All of a sudden be close buddies and you'd forget that I did your sister and broke her heart.

Maybe on the other hand you are a member of my portable just-fucked-you gallery, you'll still not hate me for long. I still look good, and I still cruise through this city like I own it. The truth is, as human animals, the fact that my genes gave me the body and the face you would see means that in the moment I do own the space I am in wherever I am.

My camera phone has a population of good moments that ended poorly, but just as I carry it around with me, so do I carry my concealed baggage. No matter how much I hurt you with my callous heart, you'll never hate me more than I hate myself.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello!

I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I'd like to request permission to use a photograph of yours in this book. Please contact me at hannah@wefeelfine.org, and I'd be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Hannah
hannah@wefeelfine.org

12:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello... hapi blogging... have a nice day! just visiting here....

8:00 AM  
Blogger Blogger said...

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You see, Wesley was in the army-and soon after leaving-he discovered hidden, "MIND CONTROL" tactics that the CIA and others used to obtain whatever they want.

As it turns out, these are the same methods many famous people (notably those who "come out of nothing") and the greatest business people used to become wealthy and successful.

You probably know how you utilize only 10% of your brain.

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Maybe that conversation has even taken place INSIDE your own head... as it did in my good friend Wesley Virgin's head 7 years ago, while riding an unlicensed, beat-up trash bucket of a car without a driver's license and with $3.20 on his debit card.

"I'm absolutely frustrated with going through life paycheck to paycheck! When will I get my big break?"

You've taken part in those questions, ain't it right?

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8:40 PM  

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