Monday, June 12, 2006


What are you?
How are you perceived?
What do you say when you are animated?
What do you hear when you listen to people?

My friend Jon invited me to come to a "pickup seminar" with him last year, a seminar held by someone he called a genius in our time. I won't mention names, but Jon is wealthy. You have seen him in quite a few television commercials, and he seems to pop up in a movie once or twice a year. He is also fat, glistening with that John Candy syndrome where people like him but women never took him seriously, and so, as he claimed, the seminar was by a pickup artist who would revolutionize his life, and because he's got every single woman who's ever fucked him through his connection with me, he decided to pay my attendance fee for this seminar.

I liked Jon's enthusiasm, and he almost convinced me just over the phone that he was going to go from fat to phat in a weekend, or possibly a couple of months. Further recollection told me that I'd not quite bought it, but anyway, here's what happened.

We went to a hotel lobby at a specified time and met up with a guy who used a dumb pseudonym, we'll call him DPN. He was sharply dressed,and sported a goatee. His hair was really short and he looked like he was wearing makeup, actually, he looked like the coolest guy at a Dungeons and Dragons convention.

Here three other guys of various shapes and sizes, the blobs, appeared. I don't need to describe them all that much because they were generic nerds, the types of guys that we shook down in high school for small change. Nevertheless, I like nerds now because they're up with the internet and stuff and they don't get in my way. Regardless, it was me, Jon, and a trio of nerds with DPN and his sidekick, who happened to be a shorter version of DPN, no goatee but with a ponytail. I figured sidekick was more like the main player in the group, the guy who knew all the monsters stats and that DPN was the dungeon master.

DPN had a huge ego and as soon as I came into view seemed put out, like a nerf ball expanding after being clenched too tight. The dynamic was interesting, since my study of body language from acting school is precise I'll try to explain it in easier terms. DPN was always faced away from me, and if he ever spoke to me he'd do it over his shoulder. He was singling me out because I was the dominant male in the group, even though he was the instructor. I later found out that this was all part of his instruction. Honestly, I didn't like DPN or sidekick at all, they were 100% fake and completely unnatural.

There were routines we had to memorize. There were subtle insults to throw. There were women in bars to approach and test out various attitudes and concept with, all scientifically drawn, and all 100% fake.


Since Jon was also an actor he pretty much sized up the whole seminar as I did, although one thing it did give him was a structure to work with, a protection attitude to run with, canned skills to approach women cold and get a favorable result. So in DPN's honor, I'd have to say that for people who can't do it naturally, fake works.

The problem is that fake doesn't last. The one concept that I totally believe in is the cat-string theory, but I didn't learn it from a pickup artist, I learned it from watching women in school throw themselves at me like idiots when all I wanted to do was workout and score some pot.

So if you want to know the art of pickup, just run with this concept. The less interested you are in someone who's already interested in you, the more she's going to burn to get you. As soon as you turn over and become more interested in them, you're fucked, especially if she's a really attractive woman.

So if you're an attractive guy, good bone structure, good build, you're automatically going to attract someone who's hot. If you're unattractive, and fat and lazy, you're fucked. If you're in shape, no matter really how ugly you are, you're going to attract a hot woman. Think of it the other way around, if you're in a bar and an unattractive woman is there but she is in superb shape, you're still going to want to fuck her. If that same woman is 35lbs overweight, you're going to get a softy and pass her by. Women think the same way on a subconscious level.

If most people regard you with respect and admiration, then the women you naturally attract will also regard you with respect and admiration. If you are used to people respecting and admiring you, then you will carry yourself like someone who gets that respect and admiration and women will see it. Why? Because an average woman is ten times more aware of your body language than the average guy, and you're going to bleed the confidence of "expecting" people to continue to respect and admire you, she and most other people will mostly automatically follow your confident body language by falling into line.

If you have a life, if you are passionate and interested in what you do both at work and in your personal life, then your character is armed with a lot of interesting, at least to you, concepts and experiences. When you talk about your life and what you're about and if you are that passionate or interested in it, no matter if it's llama herding, you're going to be animated in a way that will make others interested in whatever it is. Consequently, they will be interested in not only your passions and interests, but by association, you also.

When others speak to you, do you listen to what they say or do you just project what you hope they'll say and actually brush their ideas aside in the vain hope that they'll start talking about what you are about instead? You have to become interested in other people's passions and interests, you have to reflect what they say to you and stroke their egos for being so wise in their applications. If you can get a woman to talk about herself, and keep her going at it, you'll make her attracted to you because she's speaking to you about someone she's in love with, herself. If you can make her feel that love she has for herself while she's looking at you then she'll relate you to that experience. If you can listen, if you can participate without making it about you, then you're already the man of her dreams - at least for right now.

Summing it all up, no matter what anyone tells you, the guy who is attractive in some way, who is well regarded and respected in life, who has his own projects goals, and passions and can express them, and who can listen to let a girl indulge herself in herself good or bad is a catch. Feel free to refute any of this but I know that no matter what anyone's told you in the past, yes figuratively, the lean good looking cut guy will always get the girl's eye, whether that lean cutness is flesh and bone or something etherically beautiful, doesn't matter.

-This post dedicated to Charlie Brown


Blogger Charlie Brown said...

Ah J, thanks! You’re an inspiration. I agree a 100%.

The main problem with nerds who want to be pick-up artists is not their shyness or nerdiness, it’s their laziness. They start the wrong way. They may have the routines and the peacocking and all this junk, but they’re still feeling unworthy inside.

We do not evaluate the attractiveness of people by what they say, wear or own. It requires way too much information. We actually judge them by sensing how they think about themselves. Uneasy? Bad. Looking fot attention? Bad. Trying hard to impress? Bad. Nervous? Bad. Fake? Bad. Nice for no apparent reason? Bad. Pressing the conversation unnaturally? Bad. Don’t react to insults or BS? Bad. These are all signs of uncharismatic, unattractive people. Most social people are pros at noticing all these signs. No amount of routines can make you repress them all.

7:31 AM  
Blogger J said...

Yeah CB, you know it... it's called inner game, and it's not fake, it's about being a better you which is far more important than picking up a SHB12, and far more enriching.

8:40 AM  
Blogger Chantel said...

I HATE, HATE, HATE when a man tries to "pick me up". It usually comes off as fake and its usually obvious. I usually prefer to make the first move and then let the conversation develop naturally from there. It boosts his confidence and then he is more comfortable with talking because he already knows that I probably like him.

But I also think it's where I live. In Portland there is very little "game" or need for a "rap". So when it happens it's pure comedy.

10:05 AM  

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