Friday, April 21, 2006

Switcheroo

Today is a good day, I banked my tax refund, someone bought me breakfast, I got a car wash, I had a day to just roam around visiting the out of work actors I know listening to them bitch about much money they don't have - on average they lease cars that cost 6-700 bucks so fuckem if they dont know how to budget, and I met a creature that would fry my brain if I didn't keep my wits about me.

Sorry guys, I have GF but she's out of town. I think she's fucking a photographer behind my back, or maybe I'm making that up to deguilt myself. Thanks for calling me a chump, guilt, does it have any place in the modern man's world?

No, ok, if you get a chance head down to Armani Exchange and get yourself a pair of "destruction" jeans, make sure they fit well. I got my ass pinched the other day, totally inappropriate behaviour - god the PC crowd would have skinned me if I did that to a strange woman. Anyway, they look great.

So I reached for the phone and it rang, just then, as I touched it. Magic karma, but I was all ready to charm Amanda and it was, err, my GF calling from where she is right now, checking in. Oh, get a land line at your house and get everyone used to calling that number instead of a cellphone. I like to think of cellphones as dog-collars, so *67 everyone when you call from it.

I digress, but my GF's voice can still get me aroused so we played some word games for a while. I would like to think that photographer is going to get raped later, but I'm sure it's in my imagination. Her dog was staring at me while I was talking to her, he knows when anything is up and as soon as he learns how to speak I'm cutting his tongue out with a spatula.

Hanging up I hit the can, thought about dealing with this instatiable horniness I'm carrying around but thought the better of it and headed back into the living room with the dog who would be an inappropriate audience. My friend Drew jacks off with his dog in the room, creepy.

Too early for beer, it's not even 3pm yet and not a weekend. Ok, it was time to see what this evil minx was about so I grab my phone again.

"Hello may I speak to Amanda please?"

"This is she", how did I know her voice already?

I'm already thinking four steps ahead, three of those steps are how I could potentially fuck her standing up in the shower, visuals dammit will be the end of me, one of them is to charm or at least make her laugh.

"Are you still wearing those little jeans you had on this afternoon?"

"hmmm, didn't I see you at the bank today?" She asked, and now I know she was probably sitting by the phone waiting for me to call, which normally would turn me off.

"Yes we crossed paths at the bank today, you get a star for being able to guess correctly the people you meet in your neighborhood. Ok now how about those pants, are you still wearing them?"

"Well..." She was stalling.

"hmmm?, speak up please" I am naturally impatient in all things but ejaculating.

"no, no jeans at the moment, just, err, you know what I wear under them, you know black and shiny."

Emphatically, I love a woman who knows how to flirt properly. I don't know if she was innocent or not, I don't care. I was getting the same feeling I got watching Katie Homes eat a bagel two years ago, or the first time I saw that Britney Calendar in 1999.

I stayed silent. There was gap to be filled and I wasn't touching it, at least for a moment or two.

"I hope you're at home and not at the public library then."

We both laughed.

"So I have a question for you Jed, are you going to ask me out now?"

I had a second to think about this one, "no, I figured you would since I went to all the trouble of fingering your digits into this phone here."

Ok, you get the message, we're meeting up tomorrow night. Seems both of us are into drinking martinis on an empty stomach.

5 Comments:

Anonymous jonessimo said...

You can't just end it here man...

3:05 PM  
Blogger Rubik said...

Nice!!! LOL

Regarding girlfriend, the fact that you're even thinking along these lines says to me that she's not TheOne for you.

For myself, when there is not a single doubt in my mind, that's when I'll settle down. That'll be the one.

Until then, I say fuck every beautiful woman you can. We have only one shot at life and we aren't getting any younger.

"The game of life goes on around you whether you want it to or not.

Play hard.

Play fast.

Play loose.

Play like there's no tomorrow."

3:07 PM  
Blogger J said...

Jones:

Sorry dude, that's all I got for the mome, because you know it's not tomorrow.

Rubik:

I like the credo, and you're right. My problem is that I'm a sex addict and I have serious commitment issues all around. The GF is fantastic, but I have what they call the wandering eye.

We'll see where this goes.

J

3:47 PM  
Blogger darius451 said...

Damn, thats pure Gunwitch, I'll have to check on your blog more.

Great stuff!

4:57 PM  
Blogger Charlie Brown said...

Like a wise guy said in a local movie about being caught cheating his wife : "Don't get me wrong. I love my wife. She's beautiful, tender, sweet, a great mother and all. You see, couples break up for a load of stupid reasons. When I'm gonna breakup with my wife, it will have been worth it."

7:25 AM  

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